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Straight, No Chaser: To My Sistas Who Don’t Quite Get It!

Gloria Winston

Op/Ed by Gloria Winston –

Consider this article food for thought to my sisters who don’t quite get it!

Collectively we have come a mighty long way but we have much farther to go. It’s like we take 2 steps forward and then ten backwards and lose a bunch of values along the way.

Society is to blame for much of what some of my sistas consider valuable. Women as a whole bring special issues to the table in the form of identity, career choices, child rearing and their relationships with men. What some of my sistas believe and practice begins with who they think they are. Those of you who think you are white, you are lost already.—we have many in our community who do not accept their identity, their ancestry or pigmentation. And we have far too many who want to be a whore so badly that they invest more in their weaves, wigs, eyelashes, and style.

Please don’t get what I am saying twisted. Looking good has always been something we were raised to value; but I am speaking directly to those who try to hide their true identity and accept brainwashing about what is supposed to be “beautiful”. Fact is, you are naturally beautiful because you were made in your “Father’s” image. Society however has many of my sistas looking like a clown with the technicolor hair and other attempts to hide from themselves while emulating foolishness. Recognizing that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, some need to realize that their attempts to “beautify themselves” look downright ugly.

If you have any doubt about what you are looking like or if what you are wearing is acceptable, just ask a man. I mean a real man, not someone you are paying to play with you or that half-man you accept because you are thirsty enough to take anyone that zips his pants in the front. And them some of you, mistaking these males for men, make the error of bringing forth life because you are “so in love” or in many cases because you think that it’s going to hold the brother down and keep him close to you. Think again. I always say “the best contraceptive is keeping your legs closed”. Every man you bed is not trying to be a father, a husband or anything close to responsible.

When you recognize the flaws then the games really begin because, chances are, you have had the child but with the wrong person. You want to be June Cleaver baking cookies in the house with the white picket fence but soon discover the hard way that he wants to be a player of sorts, and is not on the same path with you. Helping a brother grow is not the same as enabling him like so many of my sistas unwittingly do. When you find yourself with a serial bum, a mamas’ boy or someone who does not share your values then it’s time to get rid of the zero and find yourself a hero!

The worst thing you can ever do is begin the chess game when you discover the truth about who you chose to father your child. Some of y’all think making your child a pawn is the answer. Some think raising your son to be the man you wish you had is the answer. Some of you transfer your disappointment and anger to your child and don’t know how to say positive things about the man who fertilized your egg. If the man has other children some of you want to hate on them even though your choice has nothing to do with them. If kids are related be big enough to blend the family. If that man has moved on to another woman, accept it and move on, but don’t use your child as a pawn by withholding visits as some of you do.

Some of you get so cold and cocky that you declare you have no need for a man after mistakes become apparent. Some want to get up in white women s movements under the guise of “empowerment”. If you want a conversation out of me, just tell me how you are “empowering“ other women. First of all, you can’t empower anyone but yourself. As a Black woman, I pray my sisters; STOP trying to identify with white woman’s issues. Their issues with their men are very different. If they are divorced or widowed, chances are their income does not suffer like yours may. Breaking through glass ceilings making successful strides does not mean you should get in your man’s way.

Our society has managed to push Black men in the direction many of them are headed because we don’t recognize our roles and the need for support when it is needed. I am referring to spiritual support, meant to help develop our men. Society does their share of destroying them and we need to recognize that and the roles we play in this game of destruction and genocide of the black family. None of that can occur when you know who you are from jump street. Emulating what you see on TV and in magazines instead of learning your inner strength and beauty is a serious part of the problem, sistas. Not all are guilty but far too many are.

Stand up, sistas . Free your minds if you are investing in anything that hides your natural beauty. I used to be you and am here to tell you that it is important to make sure your hair, your look, how you dress is because YOU want to, not because some advertisement has convinced you that you are not beautiful just the way you are. Don’t fall victim to the images that cause self-hatred. My words are strictly for and to my sistas who don’t quite get it!!

Gloria Winston is a Community Activist, Writer, Communicator, and Political Activist. She is a native Rochesterian and has been involved with numerous community organizations in Rochester. Contact Gloria at:

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(The views expressed on our opinion pages are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the position or viewpoint of the Minority Reporter.)